I want to cum again

I was angry on Friday when i wrote my last entry. I was angry with him, with myself, I'm frustrated, irritated. Since we have stopped communicating I haven't been able to cum. Last week one afternoon while alone i tried on 2 occasions to cum using my trusty rabbit vib - nothing.. i was on the verge for over half an hour but i couldn't push myself over the edge, i couldn't cum. i tried every fantasy i could think of, getting more depraved, more extreme in the hope it would help me cum. None of my old reliables worked - being shared with his friends, being humiliated, used degraded in front of others, being pissed on, being used as his toilet in front of others, kneeling by his feel as he casually pisses into my mouth while he watches tv or chats to his friends... none of this worked.

Its been nearly 2 weeks since i last came. This is completely unusual for me. Up until 2 weeks ago i couldn't sleep properly until i came. I always have to cum just before i go to sleep. I have on many occasions woken up fingering myself at night. I want my orgasms back.

I would never admit this to him, i have too much pride but i miss Him. I was suppose to meet Him tomorrow but i can't. Deep down i would love to but I'm stopping myself because I'm a coward who's afraid to take a chance.