Friday, December 12, 2008

Promiscuous Girls

Sluts, tarts, whores, slags, slappers... whatever you may call them/me. People are so judgemental. I can only speak from my own experience but it makes me so angry at times how quickly people are to judge "loose women". I fully admit when I was younger I was a loose woman. I went out 2-3 nights a week and I brought at least 1 guy a week home. It gave me a thrill to flirt with a new guy, to know he liked me enough to want to come home with me, to sleep with me. I wouldn't have full penetrative sex with 90% of them once we did come back to my place but we did everything but.

This behaviour was so destructive, to me, to my friends who I shared an apartment with. They didn't know who or what I was going to bring into the place next. It damaged our friendship, it damaged me but it was a cycle I just couldn't break. I lost everything that was dear to me. I was lucky nothing serious ever happened to me with some of these guys. I put myself in some dodgy situations. I remember one night just meeting a guy as i queued for my coat after the nightclub was finished and going home with him, back to his place. No one knew where I went, I was lucky he was a sweet good guy. I didn't even know his name.

I'm not proud of my past behaviour but in the last year or so I have began to understand why I acted like this and have forgiven myself. I had a need, it was so deep that I had no control over it. It wasn't a need for sex but the need for male attention. To be accepted, wanted .. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I mistook their lust for intimacy. Momentarily, for a few hours at least they gave me what I craved, that was until the next day when I felt so much worse about my self, the self loathing, the shame.... until the next time. The continual cycle.

If your reading this and your male with a young daughter I can't stress to you enough just how important you are in your daughters life. Every little girl needs her dad or a strong male role model in her life to love her and for her to know no matter what, you are there unconditionally for her. A girl growing up without her dad (and I'm not just talking about dad who've walked out, my dad lived with us but the only time he paid me any attention was when he'd come home drunk and wanted something to eat or to take off his shoes cause he was too drunk to bend down and undo the laces himself)will look for that validation from the first punk ass boy to give her any attention.

You don't want her to turn out like me....