Mr X is back from holidays and the 3rd of June meeting deadline has been and gone. Again i didn't meet him in Belfast. I enjoy chatting with him, its fun and a safe escapism and once i may have considered the option of meeting him for real - now i can't see that happening in the short term future(next 6 months or so anyway) Never say never and therefore i don't want to burn my bridge with him. Its selfish and unfair of me to lead him on, which is kind of what i'm doing. Its not something i'm proud of, its easier to give him some false hope than to tell him straight out no. If i did that i'd never hear from him again and for now he helps fill a certain gap in my life.
I want to give up control to him, to submit to him but i want to do it on my terms which is a absolute contradiction in terms. I like things done my way, to have control over how things pan out. Giving him that control for real and voluntarily giving up any say is scary. The other side of the coin is that being sexually submissive turns me on like nothing else. It is something i would like to explore, in my own time, with someone i trust... in many ways he's perfect just not quite!
Up until 4 years ago being the dominant partner in a relationship was what turned me on. i had a 6 month relationship with a submissive guy when i lived in London which i enjoyed very much. He was a great partner who was very open minded. He has recently got back in touch and has asked if there was any chance for us to get back together. As we are now in different countries this isn't likely and also i'm not interested in living a 24/7 Domme/sub lifestyle which is deeply what he is looking for. I am still very fond of him and am considering allowing him to visit and serve me for a weekend.
I've been out with my crush again - we went for dinner and drinks. I'm not so sure about him anymore. He's a nice guy but a little dull. I like guys who i can learn from, who are not necessarily intellectual but who have a broad knowledge of subjects. Someone who's life isn't football and cars. Someone who has an air of sophistication about them. Also he's not a great kisser - he's not bad but not great either. I'll give him another chance - it's only fair??
Thursday, June 5, 2008
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3 comments:
Boo! Me again! Left it a while as I wanted someone else to say hi to you in case I come across as a stalker .... hurmpf! No one did, so you're stuck with me for now.
Well, I'm glad you seem to have gone off X. It's no business of mine, I realise, but I've never heard of this kind of relationship working out for the best. I respect your sexual desires, and see nothing wrong with them. Just prefer it would be in a stable relationship with someone who loves you, as well as being able to treat you like the slut you want to be (are?).
"I want to give up control to him, to submit to him but i want to do it on my terms which is a absolute contradiction in terms. I like things done my way, to have control over how things pan out."
And why not? If that's the way you want it, go for it!
"The other side of the coin is that being sexually submissive turns me on like nothing else. It is something i would like to explore, in my own time, with someone i trust... in many ways he's perfect just not quite!"
See above.
Guess what? The effing Lisbon Treaty has me really confused now! So much so that I really don't know which way to vote! The more I examine it the more confused I get. So much for being your man of wealth, taste and brains! Any ideas yourself?
Did you ever think of adding on some links to other slutty women so you can get feedback from someone other than myself (horny as I am)? Can't find anymore fellow-Irish people? Damm. Me neither.
P.S: Look me up on Facebook.
Cormac - i'm a typical woman and i don't know what i want. That is my problem. One day i want the normal 2.4 children with white picket fence and others like yesterday when i'm uncontrollably horny i want him and only him (Mr X).
As for Lisbon i've decided to vote "No". i think its the safest option as i along with many others just don't quite know what its about. If we vote no then the treaty as far as i'm aware will be renegotiated and brought back to the polls again. Hopefully a little clearer 2nd time around.
As for other bloggers - i don't have time to read other blogs or leave messages. i stumbled upon your by accident. It was a nice find though!
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