We all revert to type!

It snowed here today. This is a big deal in Ireland, it never snows here, it rains like 95% of the time but snow is rare - it was beautiful.

Since Christmas I have tried to keep away from BDSM blogs, web sites, anything that reminds me of it, of him and starts me longing, craving him. I figure if I keep busy and try really hard to forget about him, I will overcome it.

I heard from him about 3 weeks ago now. We hadn't had any contact in over 2 months and out of the blue he's back. Charming and sadistic as ever, sweeping into my life as I try so hard to forget. He'd broken his ankle, it made me want to care for him more. I'm such a sucker at heart (no pun intended) - but that particular day I wasn't my usual weak horny slut he was used to. I was distant but polite. He said he had some things to sort out, needed some distance. That was it, and I was suppose to fall back in line and continue where we left off. I told him there was no point, I no longer needed him or desired him - Who was I kidding?? I do absolutely still find him as sexy as ever.

Today I had a moment of weakness, which unless reined in and put a stop to immediately will lead to my demise. I had a look at a couple of my favourite blogs and within the space of 20mins all the good work of the last 6 wks have gone out the window and I'm back to square one. I want him back in my life.

I've grown up in a generation where women are taught from a young age that we can have whatever we want. If you want a sports car, high powered job, penthouse apartment and place in the country... we can have it all... If the desire is there, if the longing is strong enough, if your motivated and focused enough to work as hard as it takes - its yours for the taking....

I have my dream job, I'm financially comfortable and independent. I can travel to Australia or South America but I'll never, no matter how hard I work, no matter how much I crave him - I'll never have him.

Maybe I'm spoilt, Maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time getting over and accepting that this is one thing I can't have!