Sluts, tarts, whores, slags, slappers... whatever you may call them/me. People are so judgemental. I can only speak from my own experience but it makes me so angry at times how quickly people are to judge "loose women". I fully admit when I was younger I was a loose woman. I went out 2-3 nights a week and I brought at least 1 guy a week home. It gave me a thrill to flirt with a new guy, to know he liked me enough to want to come home with me, to sleep with me. I wouldn't have full penetrative sex with 90% of them once we did come back to my place but we did everything but.
This behaviour was so destructive, to me, to my friends who I shared an apartment with. They didn't know who or what I was going to bring into the place next. It damaged our friendship, it damaged me but it was a cycle I just couldn't break. I lost everything that was dear to me. I was lucky nothing serious ever happened to me with some of these guys. I put myself in some dodgy situations. I remember one night just meeting a guy as i queued for my coat after the nightclub was finished and going home with him, back to his place. No one knew where I went, I was lucky he was a sweet good guy. I didn't even know his name.
I'm not proud of my past behaviour but in the last year or so I have began to understand why I acted like this and have forgiven myself. I had a need, it was so deep that I had no control over it. It wasn't a need for sex but the need for male attention. To be accepted, wanted .. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I mistook their lust for intimacy. Momentarily, for a few hours at least they gave me what I craved, that was until the next day when I felt so much worse about my self, the self loathing, the shame.... until the next time. The continual cycle.
If your reading this and your male with a young daughter I can't stress to you enough just how important you are in your daughters life. Every little girl needs her dad or a strong male role model in her life to love her and for her to know no matter what, you are there unconditionally for her. A girl growing up without her dad (and I'm not just talking about dad who've walked out, my dad lived with us but the only time he paid me any attention was when he'd come home drunk and wanted something to eat or to take off his shoes cause he was too drunk to bend down and undo the laces himself)will look for that validation from the first punk ass boy to give her any attention.
You don't want her to turn out like me....
Friday, December 12, 2008
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5 comments:
aww babygirl - yes i know i am the same way. I have been very very promiscuous this past year and it was a search for that acceptance and intimacy for sure that led me down a pretty dark path.
Keep the chin up and remember that you are a wonderful slut...if you choose to be one that's great...be true to yourself no matter what other people might think
You have no idea how much I can relate to this.
Thank you for the comment you've left by the way. The blog will become invitation only by the end of the week and I'll gladly add you but you do need an e-mail address to log in with. Please drop me a note with your e-mail address if you want me to add you.
Love,
slut on display.
Oh this post touches me a lot. I also had a most of the time drunk (absent) father. I was lucky enough to meet my love at en early age (20 and we're still together)but when i was 22 or so i became promiscuous and didn't understand why i was doing this. Hurting my love ánd myself. Indeed it was craving for love and attention and apparently the love of my partner was then not enough. Now i understand that i was searching for a Dominant.
I think you're strong because you have the courage to examine yourself and your feelings and emotions. Thank you for this post. :-)
Sweet greetz, moonheart
Thank you all for your comments. I apologise for taking so long to reply but i haven't been on the site since before Christmas.
People often judge what they envy. People often criticize those who do what they deeply desire to do, because in criticizing them, they propr themselves up and make themselves feel better for their own suffering.
But, in the end, it's the happier, more liberated people who enjoy the night.
Never be ashamed of what brings you joy, be it a flower, a song, a lover, or a bar of chocolate. Life is too short for needless shame.
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